Author Archives: Michelle Jewell

We need to go back many years to the very beginning of this story. Stay with me it won’t take long. Shawn and I met in the same town that I grew up in. I was a combo deal because I brought along my four-year-old son. That never made a difference, from day one, he treated us like we just belonged. We got married, bought a little house and proceeded to go about life.

Shawn‘s been a type one diabetic since the age of 12, and in 1998, five years after we got married, he began going into kidney failure, secondary to uncontrolled diabetes. Even though I was a nurse, we were too young to really grasp the magnitude of the changes in our life. He started dialysis and 18 months later he received his first kidney transplant.

While we waited for the call to get his kidney, we continue to live life. He tolerated dialysis fairly well. It was just a small little speed bump. On December 12, 1999, we would receive the call that there was a kidney available. we packed our stuff and headed to the hospital. Shawn went into surgery around 1 PM that afternoon. It was a long day, but I had company and around 7 PM. The surgeon came out and told us that everything had gone well, and the kidney was already functioning. After four days in the hospital, he was discharged home. A few things changed in our life at that point we had more medications, had to be more cautious about being around people who were sick, but his recovery was quick.

The years passed, our family grew by one more son. We weathered several hurricanes. In 2022 hurricane Ian made landfall in our little town, we spent over 12 hours in the eye of the storm with strong hurricane force winds. Two months later, Shawn ended up in the hospital with difficulty breathing, that’s when we discovered that the entire back wall of our home had been moved by the winds, and it was filled with black mold. The pulmonologist told us we could not go back to the house with him. With housing at a premium due to so many destroyed homes, we ended up in a trailer living in the side lot of my mom‘s home.

These questions are things that I’ve asked myself a lot over the past four months. Why do I want to share this journey? Why do I want to be vulnerable? Why would I put myself, my feelings, and some of my darkest hours out on display for all the world to see?

As we walked this journey, at some point, I realized that God had a bigger purpose for this pain. I Had no idea what it was that hHe was calling me to do or how I could make a difference to just one other person.

Two months ago, in speaking to a very dear friend, and discussing how helpless I felt, she looked at me and said “there are a lot of spouses in this same boat out there, and they probably feel just as alone, why don’t you share this”.

Much of this I feel like I’ll write through tears and that is why I’m sharing this journey now. The emotions that you feel while caring for a spouse for a long period of time are from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. I want anyone reading this to realize how heartfelt these words are. I want them to know that I have not forgotten or dramatized or sugarcoated anything that I’m writing.

I want to reach people early in this season. I pray that you will see that these emotions are real, the fatigue is valid, that when people say “take care of you first” that is not always possible. Most importantly, I want everyone to see how God has grown my faith in His plan over just the past year. Putting all of the unknowns into the hands of the One who created it all takes some weight off my shoulders. I don’t have to have the answers, I don’t have to worry about what the future holds. This path through the illness of my spouse has proven to me over and over that there is a real God who loves me, cherishes me, and longs for me to believe in Him. 

Millions of people have said those seemingly simple words, “in sickness and in health“. The moment we speak those words, most of us are thinking about illness as a temporary, fleeting period of time. The kind of illness where you offered to stop and get soup and some medications from the store for your spouse. Those times in marriage where you take the kids out for the afternoon because your husband has a headache. It’s exactly what my 22-year-old self imagined, planned for and was prepared to do. What happens when something bigger happens? When everything in your world flips upside down and the illness you so easily spoke of more than 30 years ago changes everything about your marriage. How do you pivot, endure and continue to love, but in a different capacity?